Harvest Son
by suumongerboogle
Summary: Our beloved Uchiha is living in Mineral town, after finding that his family strangely disappeared after he came back from a long vacation. He finds nothing interesting there, until a sexy blonde boy happens to move into the farm downtown. FUTURE SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh god, Oh god, Oh god. **

**I LOVE THIS FUCKING IDEA! Recently, for some unexplained reason, I've been obsessed with Harvest Moon. Jesus, This Idea was driving me insane. A GAY, MESSED UP, SMUTTY, SASUNARU VERSION OF IT! Of course, its multi-chapter, and I'm praying I can update more often. It was so much fun to write.**

**The characters families are all mixed around, so don't tell me how no one is related to who they're related to in the show. :D**

**I'm probably going to discontinue Play Along. Sorry:D**

**Anyways, on with the important stuff, then read. THIS IS IN Sasuke POV! For once. I thought I'd try it out.**

**Title: Harvest Son(gay, but it works.)**

**Rating: M, future SasuNaru.**

**Summary: Our beloved Uchiha is living in Mineral town, after finding that his family strangely disappeared after he came back from a years vacation. He finds nothing remotely interesting here, until a sexy blonde boy happens to move into the abandoned farm downtown. FUTURE SasuNaru, AU. **

Harvest Son; Chapter 1

**--**

Goddamn this peaceful town.

I had been away from here for so many years, only to come back and find my family gone. I shunned everyone around here for a long time, even the owners of the Inn I was staying at. Sakura, the pink haired girl that belonged to the Inn's owner, would try to make a move every time I came home from the church.

It was annoying. The first time I met her she was laying moves on me like I was her recent husband. I hadn't even been in town for more than 2 fucking hours. Her father offered me some kind of pie. I figured it was poisonous and walked upstairs, only to find I was sharing a room with some kid named Kiba. I had jumped straight into my bed, and thought everything would be normal in the morning.

I was wrong.

The next morning was even worse. I walked downstairs, to be dragged and forced to sit at a table with that..._thing_. She was like a parasite, impossible to get away from, because somehow they always found a way to get you. Inwardly, I cried. Outwardly, I wasn't entirely sure.

I immediately rushed to the church to talk to Kakashi, the preacher. I sat in the church for hours everyday, not because I was religious, but because he was the closest shit I had to a father. He had to be the biggest pervert I had ever met. I'd walk up to him everyday, and he'd be trying to tell me some story about this man named Iruka he had met years ago. All about how he longed to see the man again.

I didn't have a life other than that. Church, Inn, occasionally town square. I never went to these stupid events anyway. Cooking festival?

Yeah. Right.

I was walking down the street the other day, and ran into Neji. The chicken farm kid. He was obsessed with the supermarket's son, Gaara. They stood in front of a bench together everyday beside the damn thing, and didn't say anything. On top of that, the stupid morons don't even sit. How can you stand for two hours without sitting, or saying anything.

I am the only one who is supposed to be able to do that. Why? Because I'm downright sexy.

I am an Uchiha, but no fucking one can remember my last name. Its like everyone in this town has a phobia. A Name-forgetting phobia. Nameophobia, yeah Nameophobia. See how sexy I am? I created my own phobia. I bet I could create my own damn town too, with smarter people. That bushy mayor, with his green elastic. Who in the hell raised him?

His daddy. Damn, I _am_ sexy.

Oh whatever. This town would be lost without me. I don't even say shit, and I have these girls melting around my feet. That girl that runs the library, Hinata? She doesn't even talk, or melt around me. Her and that Kiba kid that I share a room with are together all the time. Except when Kiba's working for his grandfather.

Neji's mother is also quite strange. Kurenai? She has some weird disease that made her eyes turn red. Its un-cureable, so her husband, Asuma, went on some damn quest to find some legendary flower that can cure her. He's never coming back.

Then during the summer, when that lazy kid Shikamaru starts running his beachside restaurant, I end up having to share my room with him too. He snores so damn loud, I'm surprised it doesn't wake up the entire town. He's in love with Neji's sister, Temari. She comes down to his shack almost every day during the summer. Its so annoying how boys and girls go together.

And around now, your probably wondering why I know all of this when I only go to the Inn and the Church. I know because...I'm sexy.

Sexy men don't come around everyday. I am the only sexy man around this town, and that is for sure. I feel like walking through town square right now, just to get those married women to melt. Being sexy is fun.

All of a sudden, Mr. Spandex runs into me. He's all excited, talking about some 'new flower' just moving into town. That run down farm? The one that Itachi kid left behind? That place is an ugly mess. New kid...I want to meet her.

So I started walking towards the farm. I was attempting to get there before everyone else, which I did, because I'm Sexy. All I saw was short, blonde hair, and an ass stuck up in the air for my pleasurable viewing. She was bending over to pick up some enlarged piece of wood out of her field. God, If I wasn't gay. That girls ass looked pretty damn fine up in the air.

Finally, she turned around. One problem with my 'she' accusation. Boobs were missing...

Were they fucking invisible? Did my mind make them disappear in some phony magic act? 'She' smiled sweetly, and opened 'her' eyes. At that second, I was almost positive I was seeing things. Eyes CANNOT be that blue, its unearthly impossible.

I finally caught myself, and gave 'her' a cold stare, like I always do. 'She' didn't melt at my feet, or start kissing my arm and staring at me with those googly eyes. What the hell was wrong with 'her'?

"Bastard. I've been holding out my arm for about five minutes now."

Holy shit, It was a 'he'.

**--**

**I'm in love with this story.**

**Its so much fun to write, I think I'm going to continue writing it today.**

**Ill post the chapters whenever! REVIEWS PLEASE! :D Updates also are based on the number of wonderful reviews I get!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 has arrived

**Oh my god.**

**I'm ANGRY AS HELL!**

**Excuse that, I almost drown myself in cold water D: (which works for anger btw,)**

**Ahhaa, I was addicted to gaia for like a day, and the next day I lost my most expensive item. That's fucking gay, and I cant believe I let it get to me.**

**Anyways, on an angry expense, please enjoy, and review for heavens sake.**

Harvest Son; Chapter 2

**--**

I have had my mind stuck to that Naruto kid for days now.

I had ran into him several times on my way to the church, and at one point, I thought I was going to die. I forced Kakashi to bring out a gigantic bucket of Holy Water so I could drown myself in it. He gave me a cup instead, and it was likewise that I would be able to fit inside of it.

I poured it on myself, only to find that the blonde was talking to Kakashi not more than 10 feet in front of me. I started panicking. I was tempted to raise my arm and start smelling myself, but I quickly dismissed that thought. He was walking towards me. I froze.

He started asking me questions about my experiences, and that's immediately when I began wondering when he became the fucking godfather of my business. I stared at him as he asked me all of this stuff, and finally I spoke up.

"Is there something on my fucking face, because you've been staring at me ever since you started talking, ...dobe."

That was probably mistake number one, cause' not too shortly after he started bitching at me. Calling me a bastard, saying I have no respect for new people, and different shit like that. I smirked, and he stomped out of the damn church. That's when I noticed the weird, lovey-dovey music playing in the background. When the hell did that shit come on?

I sighed, and decided to leave the church early. Oh wait a second, I fucking couldn't. My character was bound to that goddamn church until 4. I sat there and hummed to myself while watching time fly by in 10's.

I felt sort of bad for talking to the blonde like that, so I decided to make my way to the farm before I went to the Inn. The moron was cutting the patches of grass that ended up in random places on his field. His shorts were extremely...short, and his shirt was too. Where the fuck did he work, some gay hoochie bar?

I sighed and leaned against the mailbox. Some ugly ass brown dog came up to me, and I paid it no heed. I mean, what else is a Sexy man to do? Sexy men don't rub ugly dogs, Its like a rule in the book of Sexy Men. I know, because I've read it.

He finally noticed I was standing there, and stood up. He had been working really hard, and I could see small beads of sweat rolling down his face. I'm so proud I am gay, I'm so proud I am gay... That's going to be my new Sexy chant. Sexy, Gay guy chant number one. I cant wait to write down number two.

I snapped back to reality to find Blondie standing right in front of me. He wasn't still angry at me was he? He surely didn't act like it, so I dismissed that thought and looked down at him. He had his watering can in one hand, and slowly, he whispered 'bastard'. Before I could even say 'In the blink of an eye', or blink my damn eye, he poured that fucking water all over my head.

I could've sword shortly after he was regretful, because I forced some scary aura to pop out of my head. Three purple lines slid down my face, and I suddenly got ten feet taller and extremely white. He ran inside, and locked the door. Looking out of the window, I could see him wave. Nighttime fell ten seconds later, and I had to walk to the Inn listening to that creepy music.

The next morning, Naruto was in the bar portion of the Inn. He was talking to Sakura, and..._blushing_? That stupid bitch, If she infected him then by-golly I'll shove a cork in her asshole and hope her ass explodes. Wait...Sexy Men don't say by-golly.

I walked outside quickly, before my mind had the chance to imagine murdering Sakura. I needed a cucumber. I ran up to Ino's winery, and asked her for a cucumber. She gave me some really retarded look, and stated she only made grape wine. She also said that if I could grow a cucumber, she would try to make cucumber wine for me, and for me only. Who the hell would drink cucumber wine?

The blonde boy has a farm. Ill steal one of his cucumbers, and pretend like his ugly dog ate it or something. I speed-walk'ed' to his farm, because Sexy Men don't run. It ruins the sexy sound affect that comes with speed walking. Ever seen Timmy Turner at the beach with the lifeguards? Yeah, that effect. Just faster.

I got there, and stole a cucumber. That ugly ass dog attacked me at first, but I shook the bastard off of me. I sped up my speed walking and went to the lake up at the mountain. I threw the fucking cucumber into the lake, and Kisame popped up. He was the creepy lake thing, like...damn my sexy mind for going blank at this very moment.

Anyways, I gave an offer, and he asked me what I wanted. Isn't that the Harvest Goddesses job? Oh whatever. I told him I wanted him to turn Sakura's hair green, and to make the ugliest man in the town obsessed with her. He agreed, did some stupid spinning dance, and fell into the water.

I happily walked up to the cliff of that brown mountain that everyone finds so goddamn special. That Kabuto guy was crying, and moaning about how bad his life had been. I told him to take it like a man, and walked off. I felt content, but then remembered that I had to go through the blonde boy's farm to get to the Inn. May Kisame be with me.

Fuck that. Ill be with myself.

**--**

**R&R?**

**Oh, leave an invisible strawberry kiwi vitamin water out for me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**HOLA!**

**No, I'm completely american. Well…french, but whatever.**

**OKAY! NOT ENOUGH REVIEWS FOR TWO CHAPTERS:3! I love this story too much to quit though, so youre damn lucky. **

**ONE MORE THING! Gawd, imma bout ready to make another rant. YOU PEOPLE! SASUNaru means Sasuke shoves something up blondie's ass. NARUSasu means (throws up comically) Naruto bleckk…..id rather not get that mental image…**

**I'm really sick of clicking on stories that say SASUNaru, but intern, Naruto is the top. Get it straight. I think NaruSasu is sick, and NOTHING can change my mind about it. NOTHING, no story, no comic etc. temeseme. End of story…**

**Hookayyy….besides that, enjoy.**

Harvest Son; Chapter 3

I started walking through his field.

It was completely away from his windows, and by some miracle, I had made it out of the farm alive. I never could find the run button on this damn joy pad, so I walked really fast. Wait...Sexy men don't fucking run. They speed-walk.

The next morning I was happy to find that _my_ blonde wasn't talking to creepy green hair over there. Green hair?! Kisame did grant my wish, but I couldn't quite remember who the ugliest man in the entire town was. I knew it wasn't me. Because...I am S .

Fill in the blanks. Its not too hard.

There was some fucking idiot running around the town with a blue feather. She was asking every damn body she saw to marry her, even that Jiraya guy who owns the cow farm. He was about to say yes, when a blonde haired chick with oversized tits pulled him away.

I felt like laughing, but Sexy men don't laugh.

I walked into the supermarket, Staring at Kankuro, the storeowner. I had been using cheats to become rich, because I had lost all my money when my family was gone. The stupid bastard said I didn't have enough money to buy some rice balls. I had fucking 45784377862486378423 dollars. I punched the dude square in the face, noticing that the game was designed so retardedly that everyone kept walking and didn't see what happened. I took the rice balls and shoved them down his pants, told him he'd need em'.

The other night that fucking Kiba kid started masterbating. I fucking slept downstairs on a table, stupid ass. He was a bed away from mine, the bed in the middle belonging to summer's lazy ass. Anyways, Kiba was moaning that Hinata girls name pretty damn loud. I felt like smacking him square in the jaw, for I had never touched myself in such a way. Bullshit, I touch myself all the time, AND I watch myself in the mirror. Cause' I'm so damn sexy.

I was in the mood for noodles. Sexy men don't eat noodles, but whatever. I went to the Inn, and was about to request some takeout (because the fucking food in the Inn was either poisoned or rigged with Viagra), when I saw Blondie sitting down.

I was tempted to say 'Whatcha doin' good lookin'?', but Sexy men don't talk like that. I stood there by the phone, and watched him eat the noodles I was craving. I couldn't bear his face while he ate, so I stole a noodle, or two...

He got all angry, and looked up at me with a sky-blue glare. He had remnants of noodles all over his face, and that's when I finally couldn't control my sexiness anymore. I took my finger, and swiped it across his face. I sucked on the end of my sexy finger, and swallowed the bits of noodles I had stolen from my loves face.

He blushed, a lot. I smirked at him, and noticed the creepy music had been playing again. It was nighttime. My stupid ass character told him that I needed to walk him home, and he agreed. Talk about fucked up, what happened next wasn't even the half of it. My character followed him into the house, which was nicely furnished by the way, and we stood together by the table.

He smiled, and thanked me. Instinct to touch butt...and I did. I grabbed that ass with such ferociousness that he jumped. Oh he had a bubbly ass, a bubbly ass that I had touched, and that I was getting bitched out at for touching. I smirked down at him, and the pixel view of my Still Sexy characters body had a sweat drop in a box above my head.

Blondie was finally to tired to yell anymore, and told me to just leave. He said that he'd see me another time, and my mind was all like 'hell yeah you will'. I need myself a new Sexy chant. Damn! I forgot my first one.

I walked back to the Inn, and that lovey-dovey music started playing with Master of green, shit-like hair standing in front of me. She was blushing, and I was throwing up. In my head! If I did throw up on her, she would be even more green. Ha. I laugh inwardly at my genius. I finally moved up the stairs, my stupid character disallowing me to move at all while I was standing with her.

The screen went black for like ten whole minutes. Which in reality was ten whole seconds, but I'm not living in fucking reality am I now? No, I'm living in a hell where I am bound to places I'd rather not be at times when I'd rather be someplace else. Okay, I just inwardly confused myself.

I just now noticed, I use the word Sexy a lot. Note to self: Use word 'Sexy' more often.

I was in the church again, when Blondie walked inside. Kakashi for some stupid reason starting blurting out that we needed help on cleaning up the church, and had this really confused look on his face that clearly stated 'I don't know why the fuck I'm saying this'. The blonde agreed to help, and in less than two seconds we were finished. Green hair had brought by rice balls, and My character ate them! I tried to resist, but I had no choice.

The screen went black for about another 10 seconds, and finally I was involuntarily walking back to the Inn.

I ran into Naruto again, and I couldn't even talk to him. I was being controlled, and since the fucking game was stupid, I couldn't walk past him, so we were running into each other for about 20 seconds. I needed sleep, and then I remembered tomorrow was Spring 14. I had to give cookies to the person I liked, no matter what. One, who the fuck gives cookies to someone they like. Not something like a card remotely stating the ten top reasons why they want to fuck them.

Great. Naruto better be ready for a surprise.

**R&R, seriously.**


	4. Chapter 4

**HOLAA!**

**OMFG, I'm so excited, I'm about to cry. HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PREVIEWS OF NARUTO SHIPPUDEN MOVIE 2!? Its like completely SasuNaru sortof. Like, they are fighting together against something, and Naruto's all like 'I believe you, Sasuke.' And Sasukes like 'Everythings like it was before, Naruto.' And omfggg, its so adorable. Sasuke reappears in front of his friends.**

**SADLY! Its coming out in august. I'm counting the days. Omfg, but I'm not watching Movie 1. Anything that contains no Scene with Sasu or Naru doesn't attract me in the least bit. Nope.**

**BUT SINCE, I'm so excited, I posted this. :D**

**READ AHEAD LOVLIES!**

Harvest Son; Chapter 4

So, let me get this straight. I'm making cookies on my own?!

I couldn't cook if someone shoved a 'can-cook' pill up my asshole and waited until I digested it backwards. I stood there, how was I supposed to do this again? Maybe I should wait for the game to automatically do it on its own. That, I don't think its going to do. I was thinking about all the wonderful things I could do with these cookies.

Well, I cant really do shit with cookies. Oh yeah, rubbing a cookie over a nipple is so seductive.

God, I hate sweets. They do weird shit to my head.

For some strange reason, I started singing Broadway in my head. Well, it was more like humming the tune of Broadway, because in this game words only come in the form of text. When our stupid characters talk, we ding. When music plays, There's NO fucking words. Words are like non-exsistant if they come out of our mouths.

I made some burnt-ass, crusty looking version of chocolate cookies. I decided to give them to him like that. I wrapped them up in some cheap white shit with a pink bow? Whatever. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face.

So I got there, and he was standing outside, waiting for someone to bring him something. When he saw it was me, I saw a small blush paint his cheeks, and he started looking around as if waiting for someone else. My character walked up to him, and handed him the gift. He smiled, and for some fucking reason, I just stood there.

I couldn't move.

I felt like a goddamned idiot. He stood there smiling, obviously waiting for me to take my Sexy ass and head back to the Inn. Finally, I regained control of my legs, and walked straight out. My character does **not** blush. So why in the hell am I blushing? Sometimes I hate living, or not living, or being pixel, or whatever in the fuck I am supposed to be.

I wish the people playing these ridiculous games could see how much we truly hated them. I feel sorry for the girl who was forced to run around the town and ask people to marry her. The person playing me was obviously some sadistic bastard that had no respect for how other people felt, and liked to control actions that belong to others.

Damn, that reminds me of someone. I just cant seem to think of who.

Fuck my miniature brain. I kind of felt like calling some shopping network and buying something I really didn't need, seeing as how I had so much money I could buy the damn town if Spandex would allow that option. Shit, I wonder what happens when he farts in that Jumpsuit. I don't even know if we can fart, but damn, he would probably look like he had epilepsy. Oh damn, I wonder if they're is a recipe for beans somewhere around in this game.

God, I had went through two heart events with my blonde.

I had to wait about two fucking months in this game to get to the third, until he offered me a job, and I accepted. I don't want to start fucking working. Jesus, running around this town everyday, and doing the same exact shit as well is enough for me. I'd have to fucking work with Ino, Mrs. Cucumber wine. Kisame, so many fucking idiots around here.

But I am not an idiot. I'm a Sexy Man.

I've learned throughout my small experience in this game, that there is only one me. No matter how many other people create pointless characters to live in this game, I'm always the sexiest. Speaking of which, I need a mirror. The fucking Inn doesn't have a bathroom. How the hell do we piss? I know for a fact Sexy Men don't fucking piss their pants. Their too Sexy for it.

I kind of want to go offer another cucumber. Ill wish for love, and I wont have to wait around for fall.

Or to have the cooking festival judge, Chouji, fall over and never be able to pick himself up again. Jesus, If I weren't sexy, I would start laughing at the fatass, and tell him to lay off of the chips. I wish there were more fat people around this town. I would finally have something to chuckle at(inside of my head) when I'm walking down the road...sidewalk? Whatever the fuck I walk on. _Ground_.

I have the urge to touch my Sexy hair.

Someone fucking runs into me. Me, of all Sexy Men to pick...ah. I turn around to see Naruto again. Kisame, what was up with my luck lately? I turn around and he starts mumbling some shit I cant seem to understand. While I was reading the textbox covering my lower body, I looked over at his icon, and saw a _blue_ heart.

Holy shit, is he starting to like me?

Sure, it may be the smallest amount of affection besides black, and black is pretty much 'I don't know you so get the fuck out of my face' kind of love. I wanted to ask him about the cookies I gave him earlier. I did, and that's when his face faltered to annoyance. I was screwed, didn't really know what the fuck I did to deserve that face.

"Those.Fucking.Cookies.Made.Me.Sick." He ground out between clenched teeth.

He actually ate them?! Who the fuck would eat anything prepared by 'shit-hole the cook'?! Everyone in this fucking town knows better than to eat anything I create, no matter what the fuck it is. I wouldn't even eat my own finger if my life depended on it. That's pretty bad, and I consider everyone else's food to be poison.

Before he can throw a punch at me, I lift his chin up. There goes that beautiful blush of his, and if he keeps it up, he might become Sexy Man number two. I smirked, and inwardly I was screaming 'hell yeah.'

I swiped my thumb over his lips, and gently took my hands away. "You feel fine to me." He blushed and stormed down the road, towards the farm.

I headed back to the Inn. I could smell shit, so I was guessing he had let the cows out earlier that day. I sighed and walked inside of my pitiful 'home'. Another fucking scene with Master of shit hair, and I headed back upstairs.

Oh boy, I was ready to shit my pants out of excitement for tomorrow. Isn't it just the shit that I would shit my pants to see him tomorrow? No. That's a load of shit. Stinky, smelly, green shit. Nasty ass shit that comes from your asshole. That asshole producing the very shit I speak of.

"Dude, Can you please shut the fuck up?" Kiba snarled, and went back to sleep.

Damn, I had been thinking 'outside of the box', or...the circle.

**R&R, and throw in a cyber vitamin water for me.**


End file.
